Saturday, April 26, 2008

Written in the Stars...

"Holding on to the past and all that entails, including various other articles that you've grown out of, is managing to clutter up your social life as well as your cupboards! Throw away the emotional baggage for one; and then give your favourite charity a call and have the junk picked up. Nothing is so refreshing as a clean up - inside and out! "

.... This was predicted for me today. The irony is that I have been wanting to de-clutter my life, physically and emotionally, in the past week. My apartment is a mess. I haven't swept the floor for days.... haven't water the plants.... my dirty clothes are overflowing from the laundry bins. I just don't feel like cleaning up. I will start but stopped immediately, was overwhelmed with the clutter.Instead of continuing.... I gave up. Convince myself that I still have tomorrow. I started compiling all the receipts and forms for my tax claim last night. Realized that I do keep a lot of junk mails.
(Tax season. I dread it because yet again, I will be reminded of how much debt I am in. I have yet to fill up the form... e-filing does not make it easier. Just made me procrastinate the inevitable.)

My apartment reflects what I feel inside. I am all cluttered inside, emotionally. I want to let him go but I can't. Constantly thinking of him, wondering if he thinks of me at all.It hurts and I know I can keep it inside me but there are times I feel like screaming. I want to find true love... be in love and give love but yet I feel comfortable alone, not having to connect emotionally to anybody. I love my family, want them to be happy yet I am not doing what I should do to give my Ibu peace of mind, nor am I spending more time with them. This in itself leaves me feeling guilty and unhappy.

I need a change.... I need to want to change.... I need to have the strengh to keep wanting these changes.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


I become a fan and acute follower of the American Idols Season 8 this year. Initially because I was bored, and not much was on TV... then Michael Johns made it impossible to stay away. He was this Australian born American who had a sort of mysterious tv charisma along with a sexy voice wrapped up in a hot body.... Anyway, he was surprisingly kicked out. Sad....
I watched the Idol anyway despite the abscence of Mr.Johns. They were singing Mariah Careys songs... I couldn't miss it. I always love MC's songs especially her earlier albums when she sounded fresh and memorable. Syesha Mercado sang he older song Vanishing.... I always love that one even though it was not one of the famous song. Reminded me of my time in India... some private flashbacks rush over me.... some recent ones too. Sad....
Then...there was David Cooks. He surprised me with his original rendition of You will Always be my Baby (not sure of the title)... but for once he looks less pompous and honest... He is growing on me.

Have a listen,,,Seysha with Vanishing
and David Cook"s You Will Always Be My Baby