Tuesday, February 04, 2014

Made Me Feel His Love

Ayah has never been the one to show love. He is stern in his ways and always speaks his mind, much to our cringes. Relatives tend to stray away from him because of that, including me. As far as I can remember, he never verbally express his feelings of love... He will tell everything about his ideas and thoughts of things, but never love. But he is a gentle and patient man. See that the way he is with Ibu. His tirelessly fllows every whims and fancies of Ibu, everybsingle time. And with us children, his pockets are always full. No matter how much we want, he will give, unconditionally.

That was why today, I was taken aback from his gestures. No, it was not with words but as I salam him to say goodbye, he held my hand for the longest time and gave a squeeze. A gentle look from him and asked if I am ok...if I am good? How would he know that I am at worst moment now.... Not feeling appreciated, not feeling love. How did he know in that short of time I was with him. I wanted so much to tell him, let me hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be ok, but I couldn't. Today i felt his love....so how can anything be wrong in my world. I am so loved.

Monday, February 03, 2014

Can't Make You Love Me

I can't make you love me when you don't. So I turned down the light, turn down these voices inside my head....
In this final hour, I will fight for you... I will fight for us tonight. But morning will come and I have till then, to give up this fight. I will lay down my heart and then I will give up this fight. I realise sooner or later, everyone will not put up with me and all my emotional ride. I used to think that, it is this about me that intrigued you.
I love deeply and passionately. I care, I support, I love but when you don't see it or turn a blind eyes to these, it breaks my heart. It brings me down to the dark hole where voices of doubts leaves me with uncertainties and doubt. I question my love, my intention, my value.... If I ever should be here.
But when you don't love me, it magnified the self doubt voices in my head.
So I can't make you love me when you don't. Shut up these voices , never to be heard again  and it will disappear. You will have your peace.