Today at work I witnessed an incidence where communication went all wrong. Fortunately I was the observer rather then the participant.
After our weekly meeting this morning I saw the outburst of one disgruntled doctor (Let me label her as DR.A) with regards to our on call roster for October. She was near tears and almost shouting to the doctor (Dr. B) who made the roster. Of course, I was appalled by the whole scene and decided to stepped out of the meeting room. However, standing outside the door, I could hear her voice escalating to a scream and after a few second another doctor (Dr. C) burst out of the room crying. My guessed was that whatever needed to be conveyed was disrupted by the unprofessional conduct of Dr. A who was shouting and emotional. Later in the day, I received an e-mail from Dr. B who explained the whole incident, admitting the mistakes in the roster but also commented on how doctors and colleagues should be professional enough to handle the whole incident without any dramatic outburst. I must say that I am saddened by the conduct of Dr.A but at the same time commended Dr. B who was able to handle the whole situation professionally. Dr.C on the other hand became the collateral damage where she became the unknowing victim to Dr. B's firing end.
Being emotional and throwing tantrum will not get you what you want. I myself have been put in situation where the calls rotation was unfair to me, but I talked to Dr.B quietly and calmly without any temper tantrum being thrown to everybody else. And the rotations got change to the satisfaction of everybody else. The way I see it, if you want something from others, you need to be calm and communicate your grievances clearly. That way, you can maintain an amicable relationship with the people around you and you might just get what you want and more. The behaviour of Dr. A made me dislike her and left a bad impression. In fact it didn't make me sympathize with her situation. On the contrary, it just made me think that she doesn't deserve any help from us.
This serve as a reminder to me never to shout and scream in front of others regardless of how upset I get with my situation.
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Saturday, October 01, 2011
The Day I Lost Empathy
Empathy: The capacity or ability to understand and share the feelings of others, be it a sad or a happy ones. In my profession, this is something that is necessary but sadly lack in most of my colleagues. Maybe it was never in them but I would like to think that we probably bury it deep in ourselves, so that we can distant ourselves from the suffering, so that we can better served them. I on the other hand, held on to this ability to empathize because I always believed that it is vital in my job. I need to empathize so that I can serve them better. If I know how they feel, if I put myself in their position, I could stay with them longer and serve them better. I would never imagine myself without empathy....
But somehow I lost it yesterday.... I just refuse to empathize and instead I dwell so much into my anger, into the situation I was in. It is not a feeling I am proud of and I knew I will regret it later....now.
While preparing Sasikumaran for his surgery yesterday, I did not stop and think how he would feel. I knew the feeling of helplessness and despair but I did not want to feel it, I continued doing what was needed to prepare him and I block out the cry and the scream. We finally sedated him for the procedure and he was taken to the OT. He came back 4 hours later....the surgery did not go well and he succumbed to his condition 3 hours after that. I found out about his demise the day after. Suddenly I thought of his mom and I hate myself for how I treated him during his last few hours of consciousness. Yes I was doing my job but not in a way that I could be proud of. I realized that by loosing empathy I would gain remorse... it is a feeling I never would want to know again, ever.
But somehow I lost it yesterday.... I just refuse to empathize and instead I dwell so much into my anger, into the situation I was in. It is not a feeling I am proud of and I knew I will regret it later....now.
While preparing Sasikumaran for his surgery yesterday, I did not stop and think how he would feel. I knew the feeling of helplessness and despair but I did not want to feel it, I continued doing what was needed to prepare him and I block out the cry and the scream. We finally sedated him for the procedure and he was taken to the OT. He came back 4 hours later....the surgery did not go well and he succumbed to his condition 3 hours after that. I found out about his demise the day after. Suddenly I thought of his mom and I hate myself for how I treated him during his last few hours of consciousness. Yes I was doing my job but not in a way that I could be proud of. I realized that by loosing empathy I would gain remorse... it is a feeling I never would want to know again, ever.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Merdeka Raya in IJN
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| The 2 secretaries responsible for most of the decoration- Haslina and Zura |
This year Malaysia celebrated Raya and Merdeka together. It is special for malaysian generally but for IJN specifically, we were encourage to decorate using these themes. Incentives are given which made the staff extra excited. The winning department will be given monetary reward. So everywhere you go in IJN, you will get to see what this year celebration is all about.
For our Paediatrics Cardiology Department, the clerks and secretaries were really creative. Our wall were so colourful with lights, flags and also very informative posters of what Malaysia is all about. Found out few information about our history
One wall was filled with pictures of famous historical pictures of Kuala Lumpur, now and then...which I found particularly interesting.
The forever bland cupboard were decorated with pictures of our Prime Ministers. They even pasted small details and about each Prime Minister. The girls out-did themselves. A lot went into the decorations. They deserve to win!
My contribution? Not much but since I was there when the judges for the contest arrived, I became the spoke person ( what the Malay would called- Bidan Terjun) to explained the story behind the decoration. I hope I didn't spoiled their chance to win.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Hairel Taufiq
Today I got a call from Hasana in Melor regarding Hairil Taufiq. He passed away this morning in Batu Pahat.
Hairil would be about 11 month now. He was warded in Melor in March and left us in May. One of the longest staying patient we had. I was amazed by the mother's patience. Not once she complaint. When he left, I was so happy for him.
Today, a piece of my heart went with him. Shed another tears for another patient that stole my heart...
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone
Hairil would be about 11 month now. He was warded in Melor in March and left us in May. One of the longest staying patient we had. I was amazed by the mother's patience. Not once she complaint. When he left, I was so happy for him.
Today, a piece of my heart went with him. Shed another tears for another patient that stole my heart...
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone
Thursday, July 07, 2011
My Marcus
Well this is another blog about another patient of mine. He has a long story in IJN. Been here since April 11th and has been under my care in most part. So needless to say, I am fairly attached to him.
He is on his road to recovery, and will leave us soon. I would love to write in detail about how much he kick up a fuss when we put BIPAP on him, or how peaceful he looks when he sleeps, or the time where we had to change his arterial cannulations 4 days in a row...or how he had grown deep in my heart...but I shall not.
This is just a short note to remind me of my Marcus, and how I would not miss him, not even a little bit, even if I never see him again...
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone
Monday, September 06, 2010
Mission Possible
Holidays especially one like Hari Raya are best spend with family and love ones. But for most patients and their family, this is not an option. The holiday are spend in the hospital, sometimes far from home and family. It is not a choice as they are not healthy yet to be sent home. This is the decision of the doctors, whether they can be discharge or not.
One of the joy of my job is when I get to send them home but sometimes even such decision is beyond me. Today, we managed to send 3 of them home and canceled one. Tomorrow is another day and my mission is to sent as many out of the hospital as possible. Hospital is not place to be during the holidays.... if I have my way.
One of the joy of my job is when I get to send them home but sometimes even such decision is beyond me. Today, we managed to send 3 of them home and canceled one. Tomorrow is another day and my mission is to sent as many out of the hospital as possible. Hospital is not place to be during the holidays.... if I have my way.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
The Courage of Letting Go
In my business, letting go is almost obsolete. We doctors love to hang on to our patient... no matter what. I guess doctors can't be seen giving up, because if we do, what chances would the patient have?
2 months back, RP was admitted here for a palliative surgery. He has a complex heart condition and we don't expect him to have live long. But because he is so blue, we agreed to do a surgery that will make him less blue, hopefully. But, he ran into some complication and the surgery took more then 6 hours. While he was in ICU, his heart gave up and CPR performed on him for almost 90 minutes... the doctors wouldn't and couldn't give up. But then due to the prolong lack of oxygen to his brain, RP ended up with severe brain damage that left him in a vegetative state.
This brings me to question about the need to hold on to patients. How far should we go as a doctor or even a medical practitioner, to save a person life? Very far I hope.....to infinity and beyond!!!!! But then again, if we would have known that in saving his life, we would have not improve his quality of life or even made it worst.... would we still do it? But how could we have known?
Well, RP lived on for another month. During this time we sat down with the parents countless of time explaining that their son would never talk, walk or even grow up like a normal child. After the hundredth time, the father finally said that this is it for RP. He understood and doesn't want anything else to be done for his son. True enough, a week later RP collapsed quietly in Anggerik, while his mother was downstairs, waiting for her father in surgery.
As a doctor, my natural instinct was to start CPR, but I know better. The best thing for RP at that moment was to let him go in peace. It was not that difficult.... told myself over and over again, this is what is best for him. God has better plan... I have to believe in that.
But sometimes I think letting go takes more courage then holding on....
2 months back, RP was admitted here for a palliative surgery. He has a complex heart condition and we don't expect him to have live long. But because he is so blue, we agreed to do a surgery that will make him less blue, hopefully. But, he ran into some complication and the surgery took more then 6 hours. While he was in ICU, his heart gave up and CPR performed on him for almost 90 minutes... the doctors wouldn't and couldn't give up. But then due to the prolong lack of oxygen to his brain, RP ended up with severe brain damage that left him in a vegetative state.
This brings me to question about the need to hold on to patients. How far should we go as a doctor or even a medical practitioner, to save a person life? Very far I hope.....to infinity and beyond!!!!! But then again, if we would have known that in saving his life, we would have not improve his quality of life or even made it worst.... would we still do it? But how could we have known?
Well, RP lived on for another month. During this time we sat down with the parents countless of time explaining that their son would never talk, walk or even grow up like a normal child. After the hundredth time, the father finally said that this is it for RP. He understood and doesn't want anything else to be done for his son. True enough, a week later RP collapsed quietly in Anggerik, while his mother was downstairs, waiting for her father in surgery.
As a doctor, my natural instinct was to start CPR, but I know better. The best thing for RP at that moment was to let him go in peace. It was not that difficult.... told myself over and over again, this is what is best for him. God has better plan... I have to believe in that.
But sometimes I think letting go takes more courage then holding on....
Friday, June 25, 2010
要回家...Going Home (A Miracle)
I have been a doctor for more then a decade and in service with paediatrics for most part of it. It is difficult not to get attached to a patient but I somehow managed to. This I learned the hard way a long time ago. You can't get to personal to a patient and his/her family because they will leave, in a manner sometimes that bring joy but in most, heartbreaking. When I was in training, I used to go home and cried for those that did not make it. So I told myself, I should never get too emotional. Empathize, yes....Care, yes....Show kindness, yes.... But never let them into my heart.
Safiyah... a month ago during MPO performances
Recently, I forgo this lesson... just for 1 girl. Safiyah, an 8 year old sweet girl, was admitted early March with a heart condition called Tricuspid Atresia, Double Outlet Right Ventricle, which means she only have 1 functional room in the heart instead of 2. She is borne blue and will remain so through out her life. Our aim of management in such condition is surgery, modifying the heart so that the flow will bypass the lower part of the heart straight to the lung so as to lessened her blueness. This usually take a few surgery from the day you are born up to the age of 10 years. So Safiyah was admitted this time for the final surgery. She was very blue when she came but nevertheless quite cheerful and chatty.
Over the next 3 months in IJN, she had 2 major surgeries and 3 minor ones. Suffice to say, her stay in IJN had been a tremulous one. A month ago when she had the last surgery, her heart becomes weaker and part of the heart was blocked. She became more blue and bloated. She was weak and at most part, was very sick. Our intensivist had "thrown the white towel" and basically told her parents that she wouldn't make it. There was even a part of me that made a silent prayer that if it would have lessened her suffering, then she should go... but God had grander and better plan. For the last 2 weeks, God showed us mere mortals, what miracle is all about. She became less blue, her lung that collapsed initially expanded beautifully, and she became less bloated. She was taken off ventilator about 10 days ago... and moved out of the ICU into the general ward. She came back to Anggerik 5 days ago....looking almost like her old self...cheerful and happy. Yesterday, she supported a fellow patient, another girl almost her age, while we took blood from the latter. Safiyah held Ain Aisyah's hand and told her to pray....along with her.
Today, Safiyah went home to Putra Jaya. I can hear her singing this morning, playing with Aisyah.... just the way God had intended a girl her age should do.
Today I was reminded yet again, why I do what I do... why I am still here despite the many heart breaks. I get to see miracle like this happen over and over again. This somehow makes me closer to Him, more then ever.
My patients' lives are not broken.... they are the chosen one, the one that is truly love by Him. Their journey in life are so clear, unlike some of us "healthy" ones who sometimes lead an aimless lives. They serve to show other people that miracle can happen and if you pray hard enough, believe in Him, you would have hope...something that we take for granted. My patients reminds me everyday to pray and hope... and this brings me closer to You.... to Home.
Safiyah... a month ago during MPO performances
Recently, I forgo this lesson... just for 1 girl. Safiyah, an 8 year old sweet girl, was admitted early March with a heart condition called Tricuspid Atresia, Double Outlet Right Ventricle, which means she only have 1 functional room in the heart instead of 2. She is borne blue and will remain so through out her life. Our aim of management in such condition is surgery, modifying the heart so that the flow will bypass the lower part of the heart straight to the lung so as to lessened her blueness. This usually take a few surgery from the day you are born up to the age of 10 years. So Safiyah was admitted this time for the final surgery. She was very blue when she came but nevertheless quite cheerful and chatty.
Over the next 3 months in IJN, she had 2 major surgeries and 3 minor ones. Suffice to say, her stay in IJN had been a tremulous one. A month ago when she had the last surgery, her heart becomes weaker and part of the heart was blocked. She became more blue and bloated. She was weak and at most part, was very sick. Our intensivist had "thrown the white towel" and basically told her parents that she wouldn't make it. There was even a part of me that made a silent prayer that if it would have lessened her suffering, then she should go... but God had grander and better plan. For the last 2 weeks, God showed us mere mortals, what miracle is all about. She became less blue, her lung that collapsed initially expanded beautifully, and she became less bloated. She was taken off ventilator about 10 days ago... and moved out of the ICU into the general ward. She came back to Anggerik 5 days ago....looking almost like her old self...cheerful and happy. Yesterday, she supported a fellow patient, another girl almost her age, while we took blood from the latter. Safiyah held Ain Aisyah's hand and told her to pray....along with her.
Today, Safiyah went home to Putra Jaya. I can hear her singing this morning, playing with Aisyah.... just the way God had intended a girl her age should do.
Today I was reminded yet again, why I do what I do... why I am still here despite the many heart breaks. I get to see miracle like this happen over and over again. This somehow makes me closer to Him, more then ever.
My patients' lives are not broken.... they are the chosen one, the one that is truly love by Him. Their journey in life are so clear, unlike some of us "healthy" ones who sometimes lead an aimless lives. They serve to show other people that miracle can happen and if you pray hard enough, believe in Him, you would have hope...something that we take for granted. My patients reminds me everyday to pray and hope... and this brings me closer to You.... to Home.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Music to heal
Foundation decided to have a mini concert in Melor today. It was such a joy to see my patient smiling while listening to the beautiful sounds from the cello, clarinet, trombone, trumpet arranged in a musical notes..... They even had a chance to be a part of the orchestra, playing the rattler and the tambourine.
I almost had tears in my eye when I saw Safiyah, a patient that has been in IJN for almost 2 months, smiling and shaking a rattler. She looks almost happy. Just half hour ago, I took her blood and she was putting up such a fuss. The music made her forget.... Even if it is just for a little while.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone
Friday, April 09, 2010
Flight or Fight
Today I practice one of the few things I learned from my lovable Teddy. He told me that sometimes when face with people that irritates him, he would just turn around and walk away. They are not worth the anxiety to fight with.
So today,at work while receiving a new patient from Serdang Hospital, I asked the accompanying doctor the patient's history, which is a standard procedure when admitting a new patient. The doctor in an irritating tone suddenly asked me how come I didn't know the patient I am receiving as the patient had been referred earlier and started explaining that she only accompany the patient. The nerve of the stupid woman! It is a must for a doctor to actually know the patient's history when transferring him/her, so I was just practicing the standard procedure. I myself had transferred thousand of patients and made sure I at least know the history.
In my mind, I thought I could argue and lecture this stupid woman about being a caring responsible doctor or I could do what Ted would do. I decided to do the latter. I stared at her for the longest time, to maintain my composure. I then turned and walked away towards the counter to get the folder. Read the letter to established the necessary information. I then walked back to the anxious parents and in my friendly calm professional tone, spoke to the them and explained what we are planning for their child. I then proceed to examine my new patient, totally and visibly ignoring the idiot doctor. I threw a few question about the patient and only respond to the accompanying nurse, making sure that I ignore the doctor again. At the end, I walked away without even looking at the bitch. The way I see it, if she decided to be invisible to her patient, I might as well treat her with similar courtesy.
As they left the ward, the idiot decided to thank me. You can guess what I did.... I just ignored her and pretended I didn't hear her. Somehow I felt better doing that. Ted had the right idea when confronted with idiots..... they are not worth the time nor the energy. It is much better to walk away. When you choose to fight, it is better to pick one that matters. In this case, the so-called doctor does not matter.
I never thought I could use these 2 words in the same sentence.... but that is why they have such term as OXYMORON....I just coined a new oxymoron.... STUPID DOCTOR!!!!!!!
So today,at work while receiving a new patient from Serdang Hospital, I asked the accompanying doctor the patient's history, which is a standard procedure when admitting a new patient. The doctor in an irritating tone suddenly asked me how come I didn't know the patient I am receiving as the patient had been referred earlier and started explaining that she only accompany the patient. The nerve of the stupid woman! It is a must for a doctor to actually know the patient's history when transferring him/her, so I was just practicing the standard procedure. I myself had transferred thousand of patients and made sure I at least know the history.
In my mind, I thought I could argue and lecture this stupid woman about being a caring responsible doctor or I could do what Ted would do. I decided to do the latter. I stared at her for the longest time, to maintain my composure. I then turned and walked away towards the counter to get the folder. Read the letter to established the necessary information. I then walked back to the anxious parents and in my friendly calm professional tone, spoke to the them and explained what we are planning for their child. I then proceed to examine my new patient, totally and visibly ignoring the idiot doctor. I threw a few question about the patient and only respond to the accompanying nurse, making sure that I ignore the doctor again. At the end, I walked away without even looking at the bitch. The way I see it, if she decided to be invisible to her patient, I might as well treat her with similar courtesy.
As they left the ward, the idiot decided to thank me. You can guess what I did.... I just ignored her and pretended I didn't hear her. Somehow I felt better doing that. Ted had the right idea when confronted with idiots..... they are not worth the time nor the energy. It is much better to walk away. When you choose to fight, it is better to pick one that matters. In this case, the so-called doctor does not matter.
I never thought I could use these 2 words in the same sentence.... but that is why they have such term as OXYMORON....I just coined a new oxymoron.... STUPID DOCTOR!!!!!!!
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