要回家...Going Home (A Miracle)

I have been a doctor for more then a decade and in service with paediatrics for most part of it. It is difficult not to get attached to a patient but I somehow managed to. This I learned  the hard way a long time ago. You can't get to personal to a patient and his/her family because they will leave, in a manner sometimes that bring joy but in most, heartbreaking. When I was in training, I used to go home and cried for those that did not make it. So I told myself, I should never get too emotional. Empathize, yes....Care, yes....Show kindness, yes.... But never let them into my heart.

Safiyah... a month ago during MPO performances



Recently, I forgo this lesson... just for 1 girl. Safiyah, an 8 year old sweet girl, was admitted early March with a heart condition called Tricuspid Atresia, Double Outlet Right Ventricle, which means she only have 1 functional room in the heart instead of 2. She is borne blue and will remain so through out her life. Our aim of management in such condition is surgery, modifying the heart so that the flow will bypass the lower part of the heart straight to the lung so as to lessened her blueness. This usually take a few surgery from the day you are born up to the age of 10 years. So Safiyah was admitted this time for the final surgery. She was very blue when she came but nevertheless quite cheerful and chatty.

Over the next 3 months in IJN, she had 2 major surgeries and 3 minor ones. Suffice to say, her stay in IJN had been a tremulous one. A month ago when she had the last surgery, her heart becomes weaker and part of the heart was blocked. She became more blue and bloated. She was weak and at most part, was very sick. Our intensivist had "thrown the white towel" and basically told her parents that she wouldn't make it. There was even a part of me that made a silent prayer that if it would have lessened her suffering, then she should go... but God had grander and better plan. For the last 2 weeks, God showed us mere mortals, what miracle is all about. She became less blue, her lung that collapsed initially expanded beautifully, and she became less bloated. She was taken off ventilator about 10 days ago... and moved out of the ICU into the general ward. She came back to Anggerik 5 days ago....looking almost like her old self...cheerful and happy. Yesterday, she supported a fellow patient, another girl almost her age, while we took blood from the latter. Safiyah held Ain Aisyah's hand and told her to pray....along with her.

Today, Safiyah went home to Putra Jaya. I can hear her singing this morning, playing with Aisyah.... just the way God had intended a girl her age should do.

Today I was reminded yet again, why I do what I do... why I am still here despite the many heart breaks. I get to see miracle like this happen over and over again. This somehow makes me closer to Him, more then ever.

My patients' lives are not broken.... they are the chosen one, the one that is truly love by Him. Their journey in life are so clear, unlike some of us "healthy" ones who sometimes lead an aimless lives. They serve to show other people that miracle can happen and if you pray hard enough, believe in Him, you would have hope...something that we take for granted. My patients reminds me everyday to pray and hope... and this brings me closer to You.... to Home.

Safiyah today...in the computer room before going home