Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Pain in the Butt...literally

OK...these last 3 days has been painful, to say the least.

In my 12 years experience as a medical practitioner, I have seen many afflictions that would make any laymen flinch in disgust. One of them would be a boil in the butt. Over the years, I have come across such a problem in many forms and shaped. Some are difficult to access, have foul smell and may take more then just an excision to clear. One thing for sure..... it is a problem that is not only painful but also can bring a lot of embarrassment. As for me, being on the other side, I had always tried to be professional... treating the problem at hand as tactful as possible. I never really wonder or imagine to be on the patient's side.... never really thought I would be face with this problem personally.

Well, needless to say, I am in my patient's shoes now. It is embarrassing.... and I am in great pain and discomfort most of the time. At the moment, I am wondering if I could ever find a doctor that could treat me as good as I was to my patients.... somebody who could empathize with me.

Right now I am acting as my own doctor, wishing the antibiotics I prescribed myself would do its job, so that I can avoid the task of finding such human is true when they say doctors made the worst patients, maybe because I expect too much from another.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Ashes to ashes....dust to dust

My title for this blog may not be used in a Muslim burial, but I believed it is the essence of death and can be aptly be used for any form of burial. The basic is the same.... when we die, our physical body will decomposed until nothing is left but ashes and dust. From Him we came and to Him we returned.

Auntie Jane was safely returned to Him on the 21st March 2010. She left quietly, no fuss. We waited all day. Each one hoping to be there when the transition happen, so as to be able to say our final goodbyes at the brink of it all....but then again He had better plan for her. She never wanted people to fuss over her so dying quietly would have been the way to go for her.

Her final rite was done in taste. I would have loved to help clean her but I didn't. Didn't think it was my placI would have robbed another deserving person of that privileged. So I kept myself busy with slicing the Bungai Rampai. Turned out there were a lot at hands helping me....Serena, Yasmin, Deanna, Samantha, Latifah.... to name a few. It was not too bad and we managed to produced a whole box of them. The prayer were quick but for the first time my tear fell in gushes.... the dam finally broke and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

At the cemetery, the prayers were beautiful. It was very enlightening and humbling to see a burial. Being placed 6 feet under the ground and left in the dark to face our maker and His messenger. How would we ever know if what we done in this world would ever be enough to carry us through that? We just have to have faith I think. If our hearts are pure with no malice towards our fellow men...and women, if our conscious are cleared from all evil thoughts and deeds, if we love our mankind selflessly.... wouldn't that be enough. I would like to think so.

Auntie Jane led a selfless life. She gave us her love and wit and zest for life without really asking anything in returned.... that would have been enough for her to place in heaven.

Our prayers are sent out every night since she left.... not that we doubt of her place with God, but it was our way of repaying for the priceless kindness we received from her. I think a lifelong of DOA would just about covered that......

Friday, March 19, 2010

Meeting Jane

Auntie Jane is one of Ted's oldest friend's mother, H. Even before we were married, Ted always have a story of Auntie Jane. It is always in an anecdotal sort of ways. In his stories, she is this wise, loving, organize and humorous lady. Whenever he start talking about her, his lips would curl into a smile and his eyes started to twinkle....and I knew that a great story is coming my way. One that would make me laugh or smile or teary eyed.

One of my favourite story is about a trip he took to her house. He brought Aiman along.Naturally Aiman would be a ball of adrenaline happy running around and touching everything in every room. At this point, Ted would impersonate Auntie Jane in her old English accent " Boy! whatever you are doing....STOP IT". Aiman would stop and gave that look of "How did she know? She can't see me". I heard this story a million times....and I always cracked up. I have always imagine meeting her in person and experience that kind of sense of humour in person. I knew I would have loved her instantly.

I finally got to meet her yesterday. Unfortunately the visit was not as I had imagine it. Auntie Jane is sick. She caught an infection and now hospitalize. She is semiconscious & the prognosis is bad. She is deteriorating despite on Imipenem and Ciprofloxacin. So I never get to listen to the wise old English lady in person. Nevertheless... that night I realized that she is a great woman. She was surrounded by her dotting son and friends and family. The room was filled with people and we had to take turn to be in that room so that others can come in. I never even met her and I am already loving her. Imagine these people whom most had grown up knowing her...imagine the kind of feeling they have for her.

I wish I had met her earlier.....

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My 38th

A few days before the 15th March, my mind became a bit numb. I was looking forward to this day but somehow when it is closer, I felt nothing. Not happy, not sad, not excited.... I can't really pinpoint the reason but didn't really feel like celebrating.

Then I got the news of Abang Mi's death & my mood suddenly took a turn. Made me feel more appreciative of the fact that I am alive & I should be grateful for the loving people around me. Aiman followed us back to Cheras that night & his presence lifted my mood.

Next day on the 14th we celebrated Mel's 30th birthday. Woke up late that morning but Ted & Aiman were already up. Ted made burger for Aiman & we laze around the apartment.We then went shopping for the door gifts in Petaling Street and had a ball. Rushed back to Keramat to drop Aiman off then back to Cheras to get ready... dropping by Leisure Mall to find last minute items. Unfortunately we decided to scrap the door gifts idea because of the lack of time. We were quite late going to WIP, Bangsar but fortunately the birthday girl was also late....

Had a nice dinner among friends. Mel was very surprised and look radiant as always. Opening the gifts that she received was an event by itself. We gave her a photo frame of Adlin & her... Adlin dubbed it "cheap but meaningful". I hope she likes it.

At midnight, Ted announced my birthday and a second celebration ensued. It was very sweet of Adlin to accommodate us. I loved my chocolate mousse cake.....

The night didn't end there.The party was continued with karaoke in Redbox, The Garden. We had a lot of great singers and entertainer.... Aqasha, Ted, Adlin, Mel, Mel's BFF's, the Trinini Trio.... we staggered out of the room at 3 am. It was a blast!

Driving back home....we listened to the new Jazz/Swing CD that Ted& Aiman bought for me. It was a great beginning of my day. I love my present from them. Now I get to listen to my favourite songs any time... and I don't have to wait for Lite&EZ Swing segment that comes only every Sunday night.

My day ended with dinner in Seremban with my parents, Ted's parents & Aiman. Ayah was very animated talking about his orchids which spark interest with Mak&Ayah. I was happy to see Ibu... to celebrate it with her. We drove back to KL after that... and one thing that was in my mind was a quiet prayer of being grateful for my life....

Sunday, March 14, 2010

In Memory of Abang Azmi

In my selfishness of being engross with my own life and my upcoming birthday, today I was hit with a news that brought me back to the people that I care and love.
I lost one of my dearest friend and senior today. Abang Jeffri called around 8 pm and told me of Abang Azmi's demised. It was a bit of a shock as he is only a few years older than me. I knew he has heart failure, I visited him in Tawakal last year and I knew he was quite unwell... but I never realize he was going to go so soon. But then again... death do come unexpectedly. Its just the way it is, isn't it? We would lead different sort of life if we knew when our times are up.
Abang Azmi was one of my senior in Manipal. When we first arrived in India, it was a bit of a shock. First of all, we were far from home, far from the protections of our family. We landed in a foreign country that seemed hostile and different. Not just the people but the weather and the place. Everything looked so....backward, lacking any modern facilities.
We were greeted by 10 Malay seniors who has been there for the last 2 years under Petronas sponsor. They were cheerful and helpful.... help all of us settled in and made sure we lack of nothing.
Abang Azmi & Kak Lin were like parents figure to us.... especially to me, Zila, Mus & Nizam. They took us under their wings and made us miss home less. Abang Azmi was the soft spoken one, always asked if we were OK. Invited us to his house a few times that first month and bring us around the place. I remembered him on his big he was a big man. His size was mirrored by his heart. Even when things got hard when our group started to split apart, Abang Azmi & Kak Lin was always understanding.... supported us despite the back stabbing among our peers.
Back here, we hardly keep in touch but they were the only seniors that I do keep in touch with. Their big heart spilled over even though we had come home....
Death do come unexpectedly and we should never take what we have in this life for granted. We should say thank you when it is due to the people that matters when we have the chance.... when we still can.

I will miss you... I only wish that God will repay your kindness in afterlife as I never had a chance to do it in this life.RIP....

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Counting My Infinite Blessings

My 38th is just around the corner. Do I feel older? Sometimes I do...sometimes I feel younger... depends on my state of mind.

At the moment... I keep on looking back at some of the decisions I made when I am at crossroads. Some that I am proud of & some not. I feel a lot older when my mind wonders to my past. I used to think that for the last 38 years, my life is so full of dramas that it could be made into a movie... several movies in fact.I hated it when I can't keep my darker past away from my present.

Lately my mind wonders to the things I always wanted to do but never got around to doing them:
1. I have always wanted to go to Thailand or backpacking to India.
2. Bungee jumping off a bridge somewhere.
3. Be at my ideal weight 55 kg.
4. Play the piano
5. Scuba diving
6. Learn to roller blade
7. Ride bicycle to work
8. Recycle more of an environmentalist.
9. Work with UNICEF or any of those NGO that champions children's welfare. Do more community service.
10 Spend more time with Ibu.
11. Being pregnant. To experienced 9 months of having a person growing inside of me ... to understand the pain and also feel the blessing of being a mother.

The list goes on & on...but this is just too depressing. I hate thinking of them and somehow feel that they will never happen.

But then again I do think about the cool stuff that I have done and experienced.... made me feel young and optimistic:
1. Being a doctor the last 12 years... having to save lives and being in contribution on a daily basis.
2. I am a loving and giving Ummi to my nephews & nieces... an still being blessed to be able to do this still.
3. Studying in India and get to experienced the culture and the rich life there for 7 years. And to take the last trip back to Malaysia in first class flight.
4. Falling in and out of love with great wonderful loving men... which only made me a lovable woman everytime.
5. Being able to experienced different places in this world.... The USA when I was 10 yrs old, Wolverhampton where Aida studied, Manila, Tokyo, Hawaii , India, Ireland ( Kirremuir), Paris, Amsterdam, London, Bali. I went to Disneyland, Universal Studio, camping in Yosemite Park, travelling in the tube of London!.... These were amazing places.
6. Snorkelling in Perhentian Island and shopping in Cameron Highland with my best friend.

7. Post college Holiday in Langkawi with friends.
8. Drove a Porsche on the highway.
9. Saw concerts of Linkin'Park, Gwen Stefani.... live performances of Aqasha & the Remedy!

10. Dining on top of the Eiffel Tower... boat trip across the Seine
11. Enjoying sunset in Kudremukh, India.... riding back on bikes when it was raining.
12. Being able to celebrate my birthday year after year with friends and family... the people I love and those who love me.
13.Found the love of my life and found out he loves me too,married him, letting me love Aiman like my own .... knowing that I will still be in love with him everyday for the rest of my life, even though I know there will be days where he will irritate the hell out of me.
How do I know that he is the Knight in shining armour... my hero... my man? Because I can overlook his flaws and still be here, not wanting to be anywhere else.... and he can overlook my flaws and still loves me in the morning.

I am still counting my infinite blessings.... knowing more to come in the coming years.

American Idol Season 10 far

I have been following American Idol this season sparingly. It was not as interesting as Season 8 where they have the 2 David's. But Andrew Garcia spark my interest when he sang Paula Abdul's Straight Up. It was refreshing to hear his version. Sadly, his performances in the last few weeks has been disappointing. He is likely to be out this week and won't make it to the top 10.

But my interest took on a new turn when I heard Michael Lynche's performance today. I am not quite sure what song it was but it was so moving and beautiful, it made Kara cried. Made me cry too. Amazing how a big burly guy like him can have such an amazing effect just by singing.

Sadly none of the girls really catch my ears. They got screwed really badly last night... all the performances were forgettable.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Finding Lost Memories

One good thing about Facebook is finding long lost friends. Within 2 months, I caught up with friends which I haven't seen nor spoken to in over 2 decades. They found me in Facebook.
The disadvantages of growing up as a police man's child was that we moved a lot, every 2 years. So I never stayed long enough in any school to make a long lasting friendship. Back then, I didn't see the importance of keeping in touch. I never thought that anybody would ever want to stay friends with me. The surprising parts are that how on earth do these people remember me.

I used to think that I am so obscure... that I am invinsible. Nobody ever noticed me. But surprisingly they do. They found me and spoke to me as if we never been apart. These friends made me feel special. We had somehow shared a short moments together a life time ago and that it mattered to them. Somehow I was engraved in their memories. Old feelings come flashing back and I am 12,13, 16 and 17 again.

I was 12 and in KKB. We took a trip to Subang Airport. I failed to remember what we could have learned but what I do remember was that this was the first major school trip I ever taken. It was fun to be in the bus with my friends Yang and Syurina.

This was taken in 1986...when wearing skirts in school was still fashionable, for me. We were just messing with a camera and my girlfriends and I thought picture near the steps to the Scout House would be great. Lynda, Ros, Sharina, Yan...these were my closest girls then. The closest I ever get to have BFF back then. I remember having a huge crush on this Chinese senior from the computer club. Funny that I remember him but can't remember his name.

Our Form 1 class photo. What I remember most is Kocok. A fellow classmate as well as my neighbour in the Maktab Polis. I remembered him on his bicycle...making a very dangerous downhill turn towards his home. Always see him coming back to school. Think I had a crush on him at one point. He never knew.

We moved to Seremban when I was 15. I remember resenting my parents so much for uprooting us.... taking me away from friends I was growing attached to. Back then I never knew that in this new school King George V, I would make friends with some of the most incredible people. I would find my new best friend Zuraini who taught me that femininity doesn't mean being weak. I became close to Rizal who made me see that we can be close despite being different like day & night (he likes war stories and I don't). Thanks to Anu who showed me that being a bookworm doesn't mean that you should be an introvert.Thanks to Sushila & Sharina who made me feel that I belong in a new place.... they took me in when I first move there. I remembered the boys I had crushed on....oh well...always have a few of them at that age.

KGV brought back a lot of great memories, good and bad. I cherished all of them . I am so grateful to those friends that made me feel special by remembering me..... taking me back into their hearts and life even though we have been apart.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

The First Quarters Of 2010

January came and left...then February went like a breeze. March crept up slowly. It's the 5th day of this blessed month and I have no idea where the time has gone.

So far....

1st January...
Celebrated the dawn of 2010 with friends. It was as laid-back as it could ever be. No fuss, no mess, no drama. We exchanged gifts after drawing lots. We had loads of laugh as the gift itself was inexpensive but nevertheless priceless. Ted got moonshaped candle from Mel and I got a pair of Minnie Mouse house slipper courtesy of AC.Kak Kiah however took the prize as the most creative gift wrap... a white towel wrapped in a newspaper. Adlin antics while opening the gift kept us all in knots.
We stayed up till morning talking,laughing and enjoying the musical genius of Ted&Aqasha....singing to techno rhythm.

2nd February...
Asyif Bin Asrof was born. A new addition to our family....our new pride and joy. First there were 3, then there were 4. Congratulation to Asrof & Asnida. He was delivered by Caesarean Section and the first 2 weeks were a bit worrisome as he had recurrent fever and rashes. We are still worried but I know this moment too will past. He will grow up to be strong and healthy... this is my prayer.

14-15 February...CNY
Welcoming the year of the Tiger was spend with Ted's parents and siblings. We had our own version of the Reunion dinner in Port Klang. Stuffed ourselves with seafood. The crabs was delicious but there were hard to crack. Ted cracked the plate in the process. Our family photo afterwards was the highlight. I so love the photo.

5th March
We celebrated Hakeem's 2nd birthday. small celebration but fill with love & joy. Hakeem is so animated as always & how he has grown. He is a handsome child.

The men had a bit of exercise after dinner..... lifting Aida's new Osim chair up to the second floor. They huff and they puff and they drag that huge heavy chair up the stairs.