Stop Wanting

Sometimes I can't express myself verbally well enough. What I need, who I want to be, where I want to go, when I want what I need .... sometimes these get jumble up in my head and when it comes out through my mouth, they just become gibberish, utter rubbish and makes no sense at all, even to me. Someone said before that he doesn't believe anything that comes out through my mouth. If only he knew how much that still haunts me.

But I like to think that I write eloquently. Expressing myself in written words come out smoothly just like tears that I cried when I am sad or even happy.

I believed that I am an independent person, capable of almost anything, efficient when given a task. But all these are  characteristics that can be misunderstood as distance, hardheaded, and workaholic. The fact is I am not.... I may be hard on the outside, but inside, I am a softy.... an idealist .... a hopeless romantic. My heart breaks every time when I try to express myself, it is thought of as a demand, a wimp of fancy that are trivial....

I long to be pampered and adored.... to be held more then a second, not making it the perfunctory duty to do so. I won't ask for it but how I wish that it would be done occasionally, just because it feels natural....because it is right. It looses its magic if asked.

So I will stop asking..... I will build a wall of steel and ice. If I stop wanting it....then maybe one day, I won't need it so much anymore. I am so so so very tired of chasing cars that won't stop even for me.....


By the way....Happy International Woman's Day  for all those women out there who are the pillars of strength in all who they support, never asking for anything in return. Nevertheless, today is the day that you are recognized, seen and heard....even if you are the only one that do.