Counting My Blessings

5 days to Raya and I finally did my shopping. Ted is a great partner to shop with. We liked the first dress we saw the minute we entered Ampang Park but it was a bit too pricey for my pay check. It was elegant in simplicity, just what I wanted. To top it all of, Ted loves it and he compared it to what the late Yasmin Ahmad would wear. That idea itself was a huge enticement.

So I thought what the hell, I worked so hard so I deserve to indulge myself. Anyway, it is not everyday I go shopping for a dress. My "what the hell" attitude went a bit too far down the fiery hole cause I ended up buying 2 dresses and 2 blouses. The best part was we got a pair of Baju Melayu for Ted to match my dress a few shops away. Ampang Park is fast becoming my favourite place to shop.

We wanted steak for dinner and we got the best ones in town...in the old Coliseum, TAR Road. The meat was perfectly grilled and the mash potatoes just melt in my mouth. And I swear, they have the best cup of coffee in town. Well maybe second best, next to the one in Cafe@18.

I suggested a walk to digest the steak and we ended up in Sogo. TAR was packed with shoppers and I think half of them was in Sogo. Mad shoppers filled up every square foot of the place and the 'Mad Hatter' me ended up indulging myself (again) to something that I have been wanting for months. Not a hat but the super sexy "forbidden fruit"....

So my Raya shopping was complete, or so I thought. It would have been complete if only I got this in my size....

But I have to count my blessings. I lived in a country where people are free. We are free to work and free to spend the money that we earned. We are free to be anywhere without having to worry about bombs and curfews and harassment. If you have the means, you have the freedom as a consumer to get almost anything your heart desires.

I am counting my blessings today that I have this freedom in this country. I pray that my children's children would have the same luxury of freedom as I do....if not more. 

p/s...I am getting that shoes tomorrow!!!!!!

Stupid Things

Sorry

Freedom Of Choice

You can't force anybody to like something or someone. It boils down to the freedom of choice. You either put up with what you don't like and deal with it quietly or stay away from them altogether. And if you don't want to choose, you let somebody else do it for you. Once that is done, accept it and moved on.

I Like You.

A lot of people say the most powerful 3 words are I LOVE YOU. I beg to differ.

Love is such a powerful word, in a lot of ways. And it can mean differently to different people or situation> A mother's love are different from a father's love. Your siblings can love you because it is a given and a friends' love are some feeling that grew over years of going through moments together and mostly the crazier and happier times. A lover's love are spoken over lust and and the way I see it sometimes it doesn't last. So when you fell in love with someone, it is just because the feelings are true to that moment when you look into that person's eyes and feel that butterfly knot at the pit of your stomach. But like any other sensation that appears in your gut, it will dissipate after a while.
But hearing someone actually telling you that he likes you, that would be the ultimate true testament. That the feeling won't disappear. I like you...means that he likes the good that he sees in you but also he would be able to take the bad too. He likes your loudness and your quietness all at the same time. He likes that you are quirky at times and probably like that you have all your mental capacities intact all the time. He probably would be able to swallow that atrocious nasi goreng you made because he likes that you made an effort to cook. He probably would like to hold your hands or cuddle you just because he knows you like that.

Liking someone is not just enjoying the best of you but also accepting the worst of you. And it is the truest feeling anybody could have of you....and you can't fake it. If you don't like someone, you just can't stand being with him/her. You just can't.
Whats worst is what if you feel that you are not like.... Would you want to be around someone who doesn't like you? I would not, I rather not. But I would do almost anything to be like... would try my best to do things that would make him happy. Agreed whenever he asked and never say no. And maybe would never asked for anything that he would not want to do..... I am the kind of person that love to be like, and it is my burden that I carry. The burden of wanting to please everyone.

Alone

It is funny how when you are left alone with your thoughts, how far you can go. You can be here in the presence where reality is and then it becomes blurry when the thoughts of the past suddenly crept in. And in split seconds your thoughts takes you to the future, of how you see yourself tomorrow or in 10 years to come.  Somehow in thoughts, times sometimes overlap each other. Like a song I heard....a fool will loose tomorrow, reaching out  to yesterday..... I don't want to be like this. So I won't let my past control what I do today and in the end loose whatever future I might have.

Reflections

Ted is off to Perak for a training. Left early this morning after sahur and I missed him immediately. We are hardly apart and I never like the idea of him being away. But his work does take him everywhere, unlike mine that have 9 to 5 job.

When he is away, I have so many plans....clean the apartment, organize the kitchen, reorganize my wardrobe and so many more. For now, those are still plans. I ended up going back to Seremban to berbuka with Ibu. She called earlier last night and said it was her turned to cook for moreh and thought it would be good for me to come back since they have tahlil for my grandparents and Mama. How could I say no. So I drove back to Seremban after work. Times like this made me grateful that Ibu is just an hour away. I am so blessed in so many ways and living close to my parents are one of those blessings.

Ibu was happy and she even allowed me a short nap. She understand about my work more then I realized. The berbuka was chaotic as it is Thursday night and most of the Taman Bukit Kelana residents came for the prayer. But I loved it, it was nice to see how close knit our neighbourhood is. Prayers were brief and easy. I helped to wash dishes, as usual.

But what really got me tonight was the tahlil. Hearing the names of my loved ones that passed brought back a melancholic sort of feelings. Tok Rahim, Tok Taib, Tok Cu, Tok Ling, Mama....I missed them more then I like to admit. I wish that they are still around to see me where I am, to see us family happy. I hope wherever they are, they know this. Today, prayers were sent out to them in heaven. I wonder if I would have the same strength and capacity when I have to do similar act for my parents when they are gone. I don't know why this thought came to me today. It is not something that I would wish for but I know there will come a day where prayers would be the only thing I could offer. I just wonder if I could do them justice as they had done for their parents..... I pray that God will give the capacity to remember this when the time comes.

Apabila mati seseorang anak Adam itu, terputus ia semua hal kecuali 3 perkara:
1) Doa anak-anak yang soleh
2) Ilmu yang bermanfaat
3) Sedekah amal jariah

Ramadhan Restraints

We are on our halfway mark in this Ramadhan. It has been a quiet one. Hardly eat out and we spend our nights at home. Ted has outdone himself in terms of cooking. He has been experimenting and the results are amazing. I think I have been eating more this Ramadhan then any time of the year. Oh well, at least I restraint myself from gossiping and speaking ill of others. Not that I do that at all any other time.

Ted's lasagna. This after we got our pastry roll machine and Ted was adamant in getting the dough right. He did!

The ultimate Ted's Burger. Had it for sahur.

Grilled Satchi on Spinach Bed, with grilled onion and tomatoes. Ted's signature dish, one of the first he ever cooked for me

Crispy grilled chicken with Fajitas. I love the crispy skin.

Ted's version of the Egg Tart...melt in my mouth. We were excited about the steel mould, got them at a steal in Jusco

Sticky Rice with fried Chicken and Shallots, inspired by our trip to Hat Yai

Useless Ranting

It is difficult for me to stay inspired. There are so many things that I want to do and yet I am too lazy or just uninspired to start them. I am having one of those time where everything interest me but none of them are taking me anywhere. I am happy where I am but long to be somewhere else. I am not driven by work nor anything else personally. Feel useless at home and I can't seem to do anything right anymore. All I do is play Zuma, and it is fast becoming an obsession. an obsession that fills this void that is taking over me.

I need to be in control again because this is totally useless....this ranting and complaining. What am I to do?????

Make You Feel My Love - Part 2

I love this acoustic version...allows me to sing along

Bryan Rason

Make You Feel My Love

The first self portrait taken of us...which now become our tradition, wherever we go

It is Saturday and was watching Bones reruns. The final episode for Season 6 was playing and at the end of the show they had this song playing in the background...To Make You Feel My Love by Adele. I could here it in the background and immediately drawn to it. Google it and found out it is a song by Bob Dylan written years ago. I was not surprised that such deep lyrics and beautiful tune came from a passionate song writer. What he wrote brought out a feeling that was familiar to me years ago when I dated Ted.

As any couple we had our ups and downs, and yes it was roller coaster ride. The kind that you could only get if you put 2 passionate people together. I guess at one point, Ted was at a cross road  and he just disappeared. No fights, no words, no explanation. I was left confused and almost gave up on the relationship. I think I did at the end, just before he came back. And when he did came back, he was meant to stay. Yes we made up and got married 6 months after that.

The lyrics of this song brought out all the feelings I had for him before that final surrender. But I guess when I surrendered, it was not me giving up but it simply meant that I did all I could to have him back and simply wait if he would fight for me too.

The Lyrics:

When the rain  is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

Hat Yai Express

The weekend before fasting started, I took leave. Intention was to complete my diving course but that was not to be. Ted came home Friday afternoon and surprise me with 2 tickets to Hat Yai that night. We have been talking about backpacking across Asia for the longest time, ever since he got our Osprey.

So now we got the chance to do so. I was excited immediately. We tried to book rooms from  the internet but failed, so in Ted's words... we rock & roll to Hat Yai.

Everything about the trip was an adventure. Arrived in Bukit Kayu Hitam in the wee hour of the morning before we get to cross the border. Arrived in Hat Yai at 7 am and after 6 failed attempts to get a room, we ended up in a travel agency and finally got a room in Hat Yai Central. We got a room with no windows so day and night were no difference to us.

Too early to smile

For the next 3 days, we ate, walked, enjoyed each others company.....one of the best holiday I ever had.

everything fried and serve with pulut on the side

Trying to make the sotong kering

Our favourite shop in Hat Yai...7 Eleven

We even made new friends on our way back to KL. Ben (a musician, just like Ted) and Osla who were transiting in KL on their way back to UK got on the same bus we did. We became fast friends, and in KL for about 6 hours, Ted played host to them. They flew back safely that afternoon and hopefully had a nice memory of KL even if it was briefly.

Hat Yai was a wonderful surprise for me. I said it before, any trip can be wonderful, if you are surrounded by great company....