Balance

We live our life the best we know how. We know there will be good times, and bad times. At times we will be high up on cloud nine, and at times we will be buried deep with problems. We like to look at the glass half full, but sometimes we see it half empty. It is all about pushing and pulling.

Our life's journey is all about finding the balance, to stay happy despite grieving. To be inspired even when we ran out of muse. To stay hungry for life even if we are half alive... It is all about balancing and juggling. If only it is easy... But then again, you can't appreciate joy if you don't know sadness...

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Time Traveler's Wife

I started reading again. It was one of my favourite things to do when I was young. I was a veracious reader and constantly has my nose in between pages of a novel or an encyclopaedia or a magazine (days before internet was famous)

Anyway, I recently finished The Time Traveler's Wife written by Audrey Niffenegger. Published in 2005 and was made into a motion picture 4 years later. I actually wanted to watch the movie first but got tired of missing it in Astro, so I bought the book few months ago and only started reading it 3 weeks ago.

The book tackle the common topics of love, relationships and the struggle of holding on to it. Pretty common but what was different was the arrangement of the events, unlike story with flashbacks. Chronologically it was haphazard and at times I was confused while trying to follow the storyline but I think it was written well enough so that you are engaged in every moment. I was taken back and forth through the lives of Henry and Clare...and even though the story seemed to jump from here to there, I was never really lost. Their love story seemed normal...about wanting and longings and dreams.... but the struggled are exclusively theirs.

It has been a while since I felt engrossed in wanting to be a part of a story. I would recommend this book to anyone who loves a love story. I haven't seen the movie but I am sure I would just adore it.

Love After Love

The time will come

when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self,

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart,

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes.

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life

- Derek Walcott

The movie trailer 

Please Come In

Eat, Pray, Love

Ruin is a gift... Only from ruins, you can be transformed.

Our 2011 Raya

It is already 25th Syawal and Ted and I haven't gone visiting at all. This year Raya is very quiet for both of us. Aiman was back in Sarawak. The only big thing that we did was that both of us got new wardrobe for Raya and bought some new ones for Aiman. My family theme was Pink /Cream and for the first time we had some nice "free-style" photos.

But as usual, chaos always follow any photo session in my family....

Unfortunately, we had no family gathering in Keramat, but we did spend the first Syawal evening in Keramat.  We left late and went home to Setapak to wind down the hectic day.

The new thing that happened this first Syawal was that we spend it at 3 important homes....my parents, Ted's parents...and finally our place in Setapak. All in all it was a fulfilling First Syawal. And of course, we had an eventful time in Mersing. But I was glad Ted's parents followed us despite everything that happened. We got both family together and it was wonderful.

Project 365 No 10: Graceful Green

Nikon D200, 72 mm, ISO 400, f/5.3, 1/250 sec

I love green leafy plants. It takes years to grow them to this size. Ibu's garden have such plants, apart from her orchid. I love sitting on the swing in her garden after a rainy day. I wish to have such garden one day.

Project 365 No 9: Bentong

Nikon 200, 18 mm, f/3.5, 1/800 sec

This was taken on 3rd June 2011 on our way to Perhentian Island. Driving there was amazing as we stopped in Bentong, Kuala Lipis and few other places. I managed to take few amazing photos of places and people. I missed making such trips. The Dataran Bentong was empty and run-down that day but I would have like to imagined that it has seen better days, a place where people gathers and had fun. Nevertheless the blue sky and the white cloud in the background gave it a majestic ambiance.

My Favourite No.2

Ibu used to scold me for this. I love cold overnight rice with leftover Sambal Belacan mixed with soy sauce. Just had a bowl, though it is not exactly a leftover Sambal Belacan.  Had it made fresh. The taste brought me back to those Sunday morning at home where I used to sneak into the kitchen and made a bowl of this mixture hoping Ibu won't catch me. Tonight, I don't have to sneak around but I still feel a bit guilty while finishing up the bowl. Just one of those things....

Power of Suggestion

 

 Magnum came out with a new advert  which made me crave for one. It is not so much the advert but the way the model just bite into that vanilla chocolate coating ice cream on a stick that made me want one. Of course for those who had taste it, will magnanimously agreed with me how magnificent the taste is. But the advert did its job... it made me think about it so often until I give in and had one today.

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Simple Pleasure

 I am winding down from the last weekend, which was a long one. 3 days to be exact. Malaysia Day was celebrated last Friday and the whole Malaysia had the day off, well at least for most of us. As usual, we had a huge parade early morning. Ted woke up early to see the jets and helicopters fly over our sky near the apartment. Sadly, Aiman and I slept through it all.

We had huge plan that Friday but we ended up spending our time indoor. Not really a productive day but then again, the way I see it, I needed that day just to be LAZY.

Saturday was totally opposite. Got up early to send the car and finally fix the windshield. Took the 6 hours later and a few hundred Ringgit short for us to make it look brand new. We went out to One Utama for Sushi. I am a big fan of internet shopping since I got a deal in almost everything I desire. The Sushi dinner was bought from Milkadeal at a steal. We feast and enjoyed ourselves. The result: came home at 10.30 pm and went straight to bed.




Sunday was semi laundry day. I managed to do a lot, in fact I even ironed out a whole week of work clothes. I was very proud of myself since laundry is my least favourite of chores. Followed Ted to Bangsar for his alumni meeting but I spend shopping at MPH in Bangsar Village.

 
Spend the rest of the time alone waiting for him in Starbuck accompanied by The Time Traveller's Wife, Banana Blueberry Muffin and a cup of cold Mocha. Even got ourselves the perfect Galic Salt and Pepper grinder which I have been eyeing few months ago.






The night ended perfectly when Zila & Zaim cam for yamcha. Caught up with some gossip albeit not a good one. Found out a couple that we love dearly broke up... Anyway, maybe it is for the best. It is hard to see rainbow at the other end when you are still at this end surrounded by cloud. But I am hopeful and know, the cloud will be lift away soon.
Winding down and now dreaming of a full week ahead, being in contribution as always...

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Project 365: No. 8 Broken Glass

 

 

 

They give beautiful images from different angles, but nevertheless broken and not perfect. You can say the same for our lives. Different people look at their lives differently. They see what are broken and imperfect from inside from but to others it may be perfect and beautiful... sometimes it might help for us to stop and look from outside, from another point of view.

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Project 365: No 7 Shallots

Ted love shallots. It can be used as a base for many of his cooking but his favourite are fried sliced shallots which can be use as condiments for whatever. Just made everything tastier and more beautiful...

 

My Favourite

White lilly or popularly known as Madonna Lilly is one of my favourite things in this world. It is not just beautiful, but has the most sweetest aroma.

Forest In The City

I always love trees. Whenever I see a beautiful tree, I took picture of it. Used to have loads of pictures of trees in my album.
That is why I think I am so lucky working in Jalan Tun Razak where Tasik Titiwangsa is just a stone throw away.

In fact, where I live, there is this small patch of reserved land where trees are planted. I passed by it on the way to work and it is situated around a pass over where the jam are the worst. But passing though it daily always put a smile on my face and I can never be grumpy even in the worst of traffic.

Ted are working on a small garden in our apartment, and I hope it would work out. I tend to kill plants so I try not to meddle with them too much. Right now we have a pot of pandan, and 4 pots of cactus....with a bit TLC, I hope to have a small patch of gardens I can rest my weary eyes whenever I come home from work.

Merdeka Raya in IJN

The 2 secretaries responsible for most of the decoration- Haslina and Zura

This year Malaysia celebrated Raya and Merdeka together. It is special for malaysian generally but for IJN specifically, we were encourage to decorate using these themes. Incentives are given which made the staff extra excited.  The winning department will be given monetary reward. So everywhere you go in IJN, you will get to see what this year celebration is all about.

 

 

 For our Paediatrics Cardiology Department, the clerks and secretaries were really creative. Our wall were so colourful with lights, flags and also very informative posters of what Malaysia is all about. Found out few information about our history 

 

One wall was filled with pictures of famous historical  pictures of Kuala Lumpur, now and then...which I found particularly interesting.

 

The forever bland cupboard were decorated with pictures of our Prime Ministers. They even pasted small details and about each Prime Minister.  The girls out-did themselves. A lot went into the decorations. They deserve to win!

My contribution? Not much but since I was there when the judges for the contest arrived, I became the spoke person ( what the Malay would called- Bidan Terjun) to explained the story behind the decoration. I hope I didn't spoiled their chance to win.

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Remember Me

This would be another blog about a movie.

I find the movie quite dark and gloomy, a far cry from my favourite romantic comedy movies. But the subject matters were riveting and it kept me interested till the end. It is actually a love drama about 2 troubled 21 years old who met, bond over their common past tragedies and finally fell in love. Of course there were some twist and turns in their love affairs but the biggest twist came at the end. I am never one to spoil a movie for those who hasn't seen it but let me just mention here that the movie is set in New York in September 2001.

In the movie, Robert Pattinson's character became the narrator which came out in the beginning and ending. And at both time he quoted Mahatma Ghandi which I found instrumental in making my connection to the movie and to the struggled of Pattinson's character. Realizing how important your actions could be to others despite how insignificant you think they are.

              Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it.

Secret Recipe.

It is a Sunday and it is a day to learn the delicious Cik Miah's Acar Buah. Actually my staff had asked for the acar for the Raya Lunch this Tuesday. How could I say no?

We bought most of the ingredients yesterday. I had the time of my life preparing the raw ingredients and taking pictures of them.
Today is the prep day in Mak's house. Ted insisted that I watch each step carefully. It is not something you can learn from a book. It is a secret pass down from mother to daughter, grandmother to grand-daughter... And in my case mother in law to daughter in law.
   

 

Mak has a lot more recipe that are traditional in her family. I am eager to learn and hopefully I pass it down to my daughter 1 day.

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Journey of the Bad Doing Good

Last Raya Holiday was the longest I ever had in my life as  a doctor. All these years, I either have to work right up to Raya or come back to work on the third Raya. So the decision to follow my parents back to Mersing was easy. We decided to invite Ted's parents along. We had a slow and easy drive to Mersing.

Unfortunately the trip was not as pleasant as we had hope it would be. The second day in Mersing started of fairly well for us. Ted & I woke up early and went shopping for breakfast. After meal we took Mak & Ayah for a ride around my hometown. We shopped for keropok and dried fish. Maneuvering ourselves at one of the intersection, suddenly out of no where, came a motorcyclist and rammed straight into my Matrix. He flipped on to our windshield and came crashing to the road. Needless to say, we were in shock and dreading the worst we all jumped out of the car. My heart nearly stopped when I discovered that the cyclist had a passenger, his 4 year old daughter. Fortunately both of them were conscious and talking. I hardly see any scratch on them.

We took them to the hospital and they checked out ok.  Unfortunately, I can't say the same about his bike and our car. The usual negotiations about repairs came after that. But unlike any others that I know, the negotiations were fairly brief. Ted immediately said that he will pay for it all and there were no argument about  that. Our car took more beating then the bike and Ted decided to pay for both. Conversations at home after that was a lot about whose fault  the accident was and I thought it was unfair for us to pay for it all. But Ted's outburst later that night explained the reason why he wanted to pay for it all... it is all about doing something right for a change, at least for him.

It would have been too easy for all of us to make the police report and put the blame on the cyclist. To just leave Mersing and not bothered about what happen to the cyclist. Yes, it would be easy to do the wrong thing. The temptation to walk away was there and was dangling right in front of us. But Ted wanted to do the right thing here. For him it was a chance to redeemed for all the mistakes he had done in his past. He had taken so many journey in his life doing wrong and bad things. This could be a chance for him to do something right for a change. In his heart, he caused the accident and the right thing to do was pay for everything. So that was what he did.

In the end, bearing the cost for the whole accident was the right thing to do. It left his conscious clear. Despite being short a few thousand Ringgit after that, Ted maintained the self respect he had been trying to sustained all these years. He had decided to leave the dark life he led long time ago in his past and he had struggled to be good instead. But God will always test him to see if he would go back to the old ways. He knows there will be many more such temptations... he prays that he will prevail in making the right decisions to create better journey in his life, from the bad to the good.

Baby Blues

Ted and I have been married for exactly 2 years 3 months. In that time, between the 2 of us we had seen 10 other couples unite in love. And till of date all of them had either conceived or had the experience of their first born. At work, 9 of my nurses became pregnant and all had delivered their babies. Another 2 are pregnant and happily going through the antenatal uneventfully....so far.

As for Ted and I, we are still trying and waiting. Every month, I counted my cycles and in batted breath wait for the telltale signs of my period. And each month of that 27 months, without failed, my menses came and confirmed that we have not conceived again. Time and time again, the sinking feeling of emptiness and failure came over me. In the first few months, I was hardly aware of that feeling. But lately, I noticed the feelings seemed to linger longer then the months before....especially when I see my pregnant friends and nurses. Of course I joked about them, how I scolded my nurses for not waiting and allowing me to be pregnant first before they do. I also tried the positive tone by telling me if they allow me to touch their beautiful pregnant belly, I might get it too, pretending that it is infectious. I also tried the denial bits, how I am not a mother material. Then there was the rationalization of the whole situation....that I am too old to be pregnant and it is stupid to think that I could. Only left are the bargaining and praying.....

With all the modern medicine and abandoned babies lying around me, there other possibilities of us having another child. But they are not something that I can consider now. What I want are being late in my menses, the joyful surprise of seeing the plus signs on the pregnancy test kit, the morning sickness, the gaining weight and seeing my belly grow, the uncomfortable part of swelling feet , the shopping for maternity dress, the pain of being in labour....and a lot more, spontaneously without effort.

I have seen women who failed when they became obsessed of getting pregnant. I refused to be one of them. I tell myself consciously that it will happened when it happened. No point dreading about it now. But I am afraid my  conscious effort are draining my energy and my happiness away. Everyday, the weariness is more and more and I am so afraid that I can't accept being childless. Of course we have Aiman and that is a lot to be grateful for. But when Ted talked about the feeling of seeing and holding your first born for the first time the other day,  I realized  could not share the same joy and for the first time I was overcome with feeling of sadness about my whole situation. For the first time, I felt alone in this marriage and don't want this to eat me away....Maybe, it is about time I try the praying part huh????

Project 365 No 6: Cactus in Bloom

Taken with my Blackberry Bold 9700. We stop over the Kluang agro Farm on our way back to KL from Mersing during this year Raya. more story about the trip later but for now....

Welcoming the Remedy Babies

Edra Rafael

This year the Remedy family grew in number in the forms of 2 pairs of little feet.  Edra Rafael and Alehandra Ahmad. Edra is 7 months older and Andra was delivered yesterday. May both of them grow up to be as talented and beautiful as their parents, responsible human beings, humble in every way, caring and loving sons to their Remedy parents. We all love you two so much. 

Honouring A Hero

Noramfaizul Mohd Nor was a Bernama Cameraman who was killed by a stray bullet while on a goodwill tour to Mogadishu,Somalia with Kelab Putera 1Malaysia. He went there with intentions to help the Somalian during the months of Ramadhan/Syawal 1432 and for that lost his life. if that is not a hero, I don't know what is.

I first heard about the news from a post by Kaduk and after much googling, I managed to get the full story. It is sad and tragic. But on the other hand I was thinking, he left this world in the most honourable way possible. From the Youtube posts, a lot of people send their condolences but a lot more were cursing the Somalian. My heart breaks a little when I read some of the unkind post. It is not fair to blame them. I believed that the best way to honour such a hero is not blaming the people he tried to help but to remember his good deed and just that. He gave his life and we should remember him. I love the way his mother described him as a loving and responsible son who never hurt her feelings. What a memory he left of himself to his mom....I wonder how many of us could leave such memories to our parents.

Merdeka Raya 2011/Syawal 1432

In the last few years, Hari Raya in Malaysia has been having sort of double celebration. In 2003, we had the Kongsi-Raya. In 2005, it was the Deepa-Raya. Though a lot of criticism has been written over the years about this sort of double celebration which might deviate the true meaning of the Aidil Fitri celebrations for the muslims, I on the other hand always believed that a true muslim will know the deeper aspect of Aidil Fitri celebration and not be concern with whatever else that falls on the same day. It is after all a celebration of overcoming your triumph over hardship. And what better way then to celebrate it openly with your fellow men, muslim or non muslim, family or friends. In Malaysia, holding on to peace and harmony would be easier if we share whatever celebration we hold dearly individually together. So I always think that it helps us as Malaysians to have our celebration together, be it Kongsi-Raya or Deepa-Raya.

This year it is no different. Hari Raya falls on the same day as our Merdeka day. Now all Malaysians have reason to celebrate this holiday together....